A Booze Revooze Quick Shot
Smaug Alert
Not at all from the Juiced-box but the only song with words in it from the soundtrack: I See Fire – Ed Sheeran
Here are the derogatory shots to prove that yes, they let me see this bad boy 2 days before the civilized world.
Bilbo disappearing with the ring
Merlin–uhm, Gandolf
Some half-bear, half-man guy
Precious
They’re blurry and badly taken? No, they’re of a movie i saw in 3D and only here to prove i saw this bad boy.
Ramblings: A Hard Hobbit to Break
Final Proof: 3 Shots
You know how you get drunk with a daughter of a whore who’s a whore herself? She’s just as flashy as her mom and aims to please but she’s a little sprier, a little faster on the uptake and quicker on the down-low. She parties harder and keeps a better rhythm so she’s more satisfying than mom, even if she’s just a shallow party girl and you’ll never fall in love with her or spill your guts or bare your soul to her and you don’t care enough to wonder what her real name is but you’ll remember her stage name for up to a week which is more than you can say for her mother who was totally forgettable in every way. That’s what The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug is like after the not Unexpected Journey.
The Hobbit looks Paramount
- Nice because you can doze on and off through much of the film and still follow the story
- Didn’t they already have a giant spider in one of the Lord of the Rings?
- The second movie i’ve seen in 2 weeks that ends with a “To be continued” (Hunger Games 2 was the other)
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Still looks Lost
Sex:
- Evangeline Lilly extra fully clothed
- The dwarf/elf love story is highly annoying
- Great special effects because they make Evangeline Lilly ugly– that isn’t easy to do
Drink:
How you feel choosing wine
- Mead and ales in a Middle Earthen pub
- Drunk guards passed out
- Post-feast a dwarf wakes up late and downs the bottom of a glass of ale
Rock & Roll:
- Great action scenes
- Why does the dragon want all the riches? What’s he going to buy with it, cigarettes and dragon hookers?
Not ‘Cupid’, but rhymes with ‘Cupid’
Boring Technical Crap
Written by:
Fran Walsh, Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, Philippa Boyens Screenplay
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring
Evangeline Lilly – Tauriel
Graham McTavish - Dwalin
Ian McKellen - Gandalf
James Nesbitt - Bofur
Ken Stott - Balin
Martin Freeman - Bilbo Baggins
Richard Armitage - Thorin Oakenshield
Stephen Hunter - Bombur
William Kircher - Bifur
Adam Brown - Ori
Aidan Turner - Kili
Benedict Cumberbatch - Smaug
Conan Stevens - Azog
The Hobbit pays better than The Office
Another Round
Booze Revooze: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
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